To Act, or to Get a Real Job?

When I left for the city, I thought I could do anything. I still believe that most of the time. Mums the one who always said hard workd get me anyplace I wanted. She and Dad meant for me to go to business school, but that's not my bag. They want me to eat well, stay warm, watch my credit rating for the rest of my life, you know? Could be they're right. But see if I tell them so. Dream crushers. They love me, but they're dream crushers. :(

Not that I don't appreciate all they've done. They already pitched in ten thousand bucks towards tuition. I'm up to my chin in loans, hungry, and prepared to ride the subway for the next two decades, but I'm grateful, for sure. i owe it to 'em to work my hardest, be the best, you know? I wanna make them proud of their son. Sometimes I feel bad for taking their money---most of these people earned their way all on their own. Mums spoiled me a bit, and Dad looked the other way.

Acting gives me the best high I ever had. I can be anybody, anywhere, whenever there's a camera rolling. It doesn't stop when the lights go down, either. I can slip in and out of any character at will. its gotten to be easier than changing my clothes. I just don't even think about it. The best thing is that nobody knows who's me and whos one of my characters.

I don't have it in me to give up on this without trying real hard. I do understand why there are so many conflicts about careers in acting. I hate to let down my parents. I don't mean to make them worry, but sometimes I think they're just jealous of all the good times i have here in the city.

People in acting school are different, you know? They don't ask many questions. they don't often reject you, they just reject you for roles. And no one sits around obsessing about things back home. Acting school is way too fast-paced for that sort of thing. It's not even like we've all known each other very long. There's certain stuff that's just understood. ;)

I can't hardly sleep at night, though. Sometimes that's not a bad thing. Like I'm just thinking about how Johnny Depp got to be so good he can play a hilarious pirate, a creepy chocolate factory owner, or a psychopathic barber equally well. He still looks good halfway into his forties. Other times, though, I'm wondering if I might wind up middle aged, living in some hole-in-the-wall efficiency with the utilities shut off, abandoned by my family and so-called friends. People often say most celebs are inwardly miserable. Money can't buy happiness, all that. Twenty-five years or so from now, I might be miserable. If so, I might as well have some dough, anyway.